sommarlovet började bra i all fall, klarblå himmel med några få moln,
dock blåsigt och inte speciellt jättevarmt.. hoppas det blir bättre snart!

- och jag räknade ut idag att det bara är nitton dagar kvar till mitt älskade
västkusten. tanumstrand, grebbestad, STRÖMSTAD, smögen och alla
underbara människor.. längtar verkligen och ser absolut fram emot den
resan.. finns inget finare ställe än västkusten enligt mig,
jag verkligen älskar det! ♥





jag gillar mina rosa & luddiga tofflor ;$

vi fick en uppgift på engelskan för några veckor sen att vi skulle skriva en berättelse, på engelska. vi fick fem olika alternativ att välja mellan, jag valde when somebody just leaves, jag skrev klart den efter någon vecka och lämnade senare samma vecka in den. sen på nattvandringen kom min engelsklärare fram till mig och berättade för mig att den var jättebra. jag blev glad och tackade så hemskt mycket. vad jag inte visste då var, att hon hade gett mig MVG för den. jag har aldrig fått mvg för någonting på engelskan förut, inte i skolan överhuvudtaget om jag ska vara ärlig. riktigt paff blev jag. men MVG blev det, och ska jag säga ärligt så är jag fanimig stolt över mig själv! för det har jag rätt i att vara, eller? plus att jag fick veta att jag höjt mig i engelskan denna termin, från g till vg! :-D i alla fall, för er som vill läsa, så finns den nedan. släng gärna in en kommentar om vad ni tycker om den, skulle vara riktigt intressant och veta vad ni tycker om den faktiskt! hihi, kyssar <3

We don’t know what we have before everything is gone

Life is never as esay as we all thought when we were kids. We all face complications in life, some bigger then others. It’s horrible how a like can turn from good to bad, just like that.

I heard and felt how my cell phone rang and vibrated under my pillow. I sat up in my bed, took a deep breath and answerd. The voice who talked to me was weak and very upset. It was James mother who called. My heart started to beat faster and harder, and I thought it would jump out of my chest.

We spent hour after hour at the hospital that night and all the other nights. I cried, James cried, his mother cried, everybody cried. It was hard to understand, but we never gave up hope that he would survive.

James had a secret that he never had told me. I belive that he was afraid to tell me, because he thought I would leave him alone. Why would I leave him in a situation like that? Why would I leave him when he needed me as most? That made me go crazy.  

We tried to take the days as they came. Even if we were broken, we tried to have fun and be glad like all the other people in the world and forget his disease for a moment.

Days turned into months and months to years. We were all strong, but none was as strong as James was. He really did fight for his life.

Two years passed and James was very sick. He had no hair left on his body and he grew thinner and weaker. It was hard to see him suffer and i wish that I could make him helthier and better again, even if i knew that it was impossible. I tried to make him happier and it worked sometimes. I also tried to keep him awake, because I was afraid and thought that if he closed his eyes and fell asleep, he would never wake up again.

All visits at the hospital ended. The doctor had to visit James at home. James was too weak to be moved back and forth all the time. He also got a special bed he always was in, lika a hospital bed.

His doctor said that he only had a few months left of his life. Both James and I was terrified. I sat on his bed and hugged his hand really hard. He slept peacefully and quietly at my side. He was breathing very heavily and slowly. I cried.

The days passed and he grew sicker and sicker. The only thing he did was to sleep and in between, he took his medication. He could barley keep his eyes open anymore, but peered at me from time to time. It was hard to see him like that, really difficult. It really hurted.

I knew that it was close now. We all knew that he had no strenght left. He was weaker then  ever before, wa all knew that. 

That night was horrible. Everything happened so fast.

I was sitting in an armchair next to him and held his hand. His breathing was becoming weaker and slower. I stood up and put two fingers against his throat, to try to feel his heart rate. He looked frightened. His heart pounded hard and slowly inside his chest. He took a deep breath for the last time and then he fell asleep. He would never wake up again. I threw myself headlong to the floor. I played with the hands to the floor of anger. I lay on the floor and cried until I could no longer breath.

Me and his family sat all together that night.

I have never in my life felt so bad at that time and afterwards.

It is today three years since I lost my beloved boyfriend James in cancer. I can not describe with words how much I really miss him. This death was like a knife in my back and a large part of me is taken. I love him with all my heart but I have to fight on. I live in him, and every step I take, I take if for him. He will always be my number one and no one will ever take his place in my heart.

Nathen and James, it was so we said.
I will always love you, never forget it <3

jag vaknade imorse när klockan ringde och kände att jag hade världens magont.. så jag låg kvar en stund för att se om det gick över, men nejdå. blev hemma från skolan idag, tror inte jag missade någonting viktigt, hoppas jag i alla fall.. har inte lika ont i magen nu, men har galet ont i huvudet, jäkla migrän . .  

just nu sitter jag med handduken på huvudet, för jag duschade för en stund sen, så jag ska alldeles snart fixa håret lite, eftersom det är nytvättat, sen ska jag lägga mig i sängen och skriva på min engelskaberättelse som egentligen skulle varit klar imorgon, och jag har bara börjat.. 3 sidor lång ska den vara, och jag har bara skrivit en, bravo!

blev bara ett inlägg idag, men jag har fixat med header och designen idag som inte ens blev bra, jäkla skit.
- skriv till mig om någon har lust att göra en åt mig, tack!

hårfönen, plattången och volumemastern väntar, sedan sängen somsagt :-)
sov så gott, så skriver jag mer imorgon.. godnatt <3



jag älskar kan dee's bilder!